Dear Jack

Dear Jack, 

My truly perfect baby boy.

The second you were put on my chest I fell in love. I know you hear that from parents all of the time but I fell in love in a way I didn't know was possible. A love so hard and pure, like no other imaginable.

I remember it vividly. The feeling of your tiny body and soft skin on mine and the pee you had down my side! 

Seeing your dark hair and beautiful little face. Finding out you were a boy! I honestly couldn't believe it, we had our little boy! I knew how excited everyone would be! 

I remember your first cry. Stroking your head and face with my finger and holding you tight to comfort you. But you were the comfort. With all of the chaos, nothing mattered. The whole world seemed distant and silent, I had my baby and my heart could explode with love and that was all that mattered. In that moment everything else was a blur.

7 hours Dad stayed with us. It seemed like minutes. Time went so fast. We stared at you, how small and beautiful our little baby was. We made you! It was hard to believe. We took turns to hold you on us, your warm body on ours. It was euphoric. 

Before we knew it Dad had to go home and we had our first night together. It went so fast. You were such a quiet baby, so content. 

We stayed in the hospital for a few days and I was so grateful for it. I adored spending time with you. Getting to know you and keeping you to myself. I felt like I could keep you safe and protected. There were no distractions, no busy life moving around us. The days were calm and the hours just passed by. We were in our own little bubble and I loved it. 

After having you to myself for 37 weeks I don't think I was quite ready to share you completely with the rest of the world.

Dad visited 1 hour per day and brought his excitement to our calm which was nice. Everyone commented on how amazing you were and such a quiet little thing. It truly was a dream. I was besotted.

It was time to go home and I was excited. 

We had a brand new home for our brand new family and I was so excited to get you there, safe and sound and to snuggle up together, the 3 of us. 

I was desperate for our loved ones to meet you now and for them to see how perfect you are. I still couldn't believe that I grew you!

Seeing them meet you was amazing. Nanna was the first person and then Auntie Emma. They were both so excited to meet you. They fell in love. Everyone did. 

I was so happy to be in our home, as a family, complete with little Bella and Lola. I cried with happiness. 

Family and friends came to visit. I was thrilled for them to see you but part of me still didn't want to share you too much. I just wanted to hold you and cuddle you and take every second of you in. 

I cried pretty much every day for the first 2 weeks over how happy I was. Over how beautiful you were. How tiny and cute. How truly happy you made me and how much love I had for you. 

I cried over not wanting you to grow. Time was going so fast. I wanted you to stay a tiny little baby. I was so in love and wanted to stay in that exact moment forever with you. 

You started to grow. Day by day we had something new. Your first bath, your first week, your second week. Each one a celebration of your life and everything you brought to ours. 

I loved feeding, washing, changing. Everything. 

I got excited when you woke in the night to see you. No matter how tired I was, seeing your beautiful happy little face was the best thing. 

I still can not get enough of you.

The times you cried. Which wasn't many. A couple of times in the car when I had to pull over and cuddle you to let you know I was there, when you had your tongue tie cut and your first needles. Although these times literally broke my heart seeing you cry, they also made it burst when I was able to cuddle you and comfort you. Knowing that my presence calmed you, made you feel safe and content. It is the best feeling.

The first time we left you. 2 hours with Granny and Grandad whilst we went to the village shop for dinner. I couldn't wait to get home to squeeze you tight. 

The first time you stayed out. At Nanna and Grandad's house. It was halloween and the second I got in the car I cried. I cried because I loved you so much, I loved being around you, I loved being a mum to you, I loved seeing you and talking to you and I knew how much I would miss it all. I was updated all night and I couldn't wait to pick you up in the morning. I rushed over and you were so settled on Grandad I had to wait for my cuddle! 

Although I cried that I didn't want you to grow, I have learned that with growth comes even more happiness. 

Seeing you smile and laugh. Interacting with everyone and seeing joy in your face with every new discovery. The pride is unbelievable. Compliments from strangers that you are the most sociable, content little baby. 

I am so excited to keep laughing with you. You are such a funny little boy already, always making people smile. You are the little sunshine in everyone's life. 

I cannot wait to see you grow. To see you smile more and create new memories every single day. I can't wait for our adventures and discoveries. 

I can't wait to see even more of your personality and continue to comfort you. 

I love you my little Jack Jack. Like no other love imaginable. 

I will love you forever and will always be grateful for you. My beautiful, perfect, happy little boy who made me a Mum. Thank you x